Posted by Nathan P. on November 21, 2006
So I don’t really do personal stuff on here, in general, but I’m having a really shitty couple of weeks, and this is my sandbox so if I want to get some shit out, this is where it’s happening.
I’m extremely frustrated with an industry where everyone expects you to give 100% when they’re only paying you 20%. Where you can’t affort to work at only one place at a time, but when the inevitable conflicts come up, it’s your fault that you have to cut time out of each so you can get everything done. Where no matter what, it’s the freelancers fault, basically.
And it’s ‘specially bad because then I get to feeling all guilty and shit, like I really should be doing more (ignore the string of 14-hour days, I should be getting more DONE, dammit). Where every two-bit fucking outfit thinks that it’s gods gift to theatre, and that the production is going to be the only thing thats important in your life, but then you start thinking that you’re not giving enough.
I have this sick feeling in my stomach and I don’t know if it’s because I decided to take the morning to get my shit together (and thus not putting in some more hours on deck), or general fatigue, or disgust that I’m getting so fucking strung out that I can’t just accept that sometimes, shit doesn’t get done. Or maybe just that I’ve done so much physical labor that my digestive system is revolting and trying to rip itself out of my stomach.
I’m sick of not being able to work on games. I’m sick of only seeing my girlfriend for two nights a week. I’m fucking sick of getting flak for not getting more done when there’s a serious crew shortage and the place isn’t willing to spend more money and I’ve already put in so many hours that I wouldn’t be able to legally work anymore at union gigs. I’m sick of figuring out that my pay is working out to about 10 cents an hour.
Well, time to do some more shopping. But I do know one thing….I’ve never letting this fucking happen again.
I can’t wait for Thursday. Happy thanksgiving, everyone.